Rant.

I've been meaning to update, but life has been kind of crazy around here. Not really positive and happy. Avery is draining me daily. She is a handful, to say the least. I hope it's a stage, or better yet, that Rowan isn't so dramatic because I might lose my mind.

I took Avery to her first kindergym class this week. It's an hour every Wednesday morning, and we went this week just the two of us. She's very shy around other toddlers, but once she saw the other kids running around, she let loose, and played on everything but the trampoline. The gym is set up with matts everywhere, balance beams, the works, just kid friendly. I didn't bring my camera, but will try to remember next week. I didn't want to be that mom taking pictures the first 5 minutes into the first class. At the end of the hour, everyone cleans up, and sits in a circle to wind down and sing a song, well Avery didn't want to stop, and she basically tantrumed until I had to carry her out to the car. I could feel every other parent watching, and I don't love that.

I have a really hard time talking on the phone these days, unless it's nap time, but I have a lot to do in that gap, I sometimes just like the time to myself. They only sleep at the same time for about 1/2 hour, if I'm lucky, so I try to get my computer time in then. Avery acts up when I'm on the phone, and I'm left wondering what other moms do; do they just give up on trying to fit a conversation in ever?

Any attention whether bad or good will suffice for Avery, if that is all I can give. Avery will climb into the windows, up on the counters, behind the t.v., on top of the table, basically anything she can to get my attention, and then she ends up in time outs. She sits in her high chair, in the corner, and I turn the stove timer onto 2 minutes. After the beep, I take her out, but it takes about 5 minutes to calm her down again, for her to turn around and do the exact same things!

This all happens while Rowan is experiencing her mega teeth on the top. Her two front teeth have cut this week, but I can see the two beside them coming, and it looks like the eye teeth might even come down, too. She's pulling herself to stand all the time, and falling a lot. Poor baby, she doesn't know how to get back down. I wake up every hour to nurse at night, and it seems to be the only thing to get her back down. This is leaving me unrested and pretty tired in the day. You know, I have not slept one night through in over 2.5 years now. I quit drinking coffee when I was pregnant with Avery, but I have been sneaking a half mug in the morning, just to keep me from falling asleep after breakfast.

I should also mention that Avery hates Rowan lately. Rowan is curious about the toys Avery is playing with, and Avery doesn't grasp the concept of sharing, so baby comes near, Avery screams, and throws the toys at baby. I try to put Rowan in her playpen, to get tasks done, and she wants out, as she sees Avery playing on the floor. I think the only thing that keeps them both happy is if I sit on the floor between them, and try to keep them playing with things seperately, yet side by side.

Try cooking a meal with all of this going on. I start tasks at about 3 in the afternoon, just to have it done on time. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy cooking meals, but pulling the monster in and out of time outs, and a screaming baby wears my nerves. I'm pretty snappy by the end of the day, out of exhaustion, and then when we sit down to eat, Avery throws everything all over the floor. She hates everything it seems, and I really don't know what to do about her eating. I mean if she doesn't eat dinner, she wakes up in the night hungry. I can't cater to her and make different things for everyone eating. What do other moms do?

I guess being a mom of two is challenging for everyone, but I don't think I could handle a third baby. I now know I do not want any more. I thought, "Oh maybe one day," but really. I think I would get post partum depression, and never come out of it. If for some reason I forget all of this, it would be after they're out of diapers, I hope. I think getting a dog at that time would be nice for everyone. Pets are just like kids; you have to potty train them, too.

I wish I could have written a happy blog entry, but the truth is I'm only human, and being alone with the girls day in and day out, isn't always a walk in the park.