My darling friend threw a little shower for Rowan. It was cozy with a mitt-full of my favourite girls and brother. He always fits in with the ladies anyhow, so it wasn't weird for him. Our hostess provided a nice spread of appys, and mellow music, and a big cozy couch (I'm talking big, like fits 10 people on it!)
As much fun as everyone had, I felt a bit overwhelmed with Avery. I couldn't not bring her, I would've regretted it forever and ever. Everyone there loves her, but maybe were not as watchful as I would be. Moms seem to have eyes in the back of their heads, and I think living in busy toddler mode, I know not to turn those watchful eyes away for too long. Avery kept getting hurt, and being out of our comfort zone, I was having a hard time relaxing and socialising because I felt anxiety when she was out of my sight.
I remind myself that it will get easier some day, but the truth is I find myself missing the times I was alone with Avery, and having the free hands to rescue her. Before Rowan's birth, I saw Avery as my little baby, but she's not little anymore, compared to her new born sister. With her new talent of walking and the beginning of talking, she's more of a toddler now. I love how fun she is now, but it's sad how fast she has become this firey little, independant, curious, tantruming person.
Avery is so, so, so sweet with her sister. Always trying to help Mommy, pushing the baby swing, and kissing and gently rubbing Rowan's head. She has a serious jealous streak when I nurse Rowan, however, and climbs all over us. I try to get onto her level, especially when that is happening, and do things like read to her, or just sit on the floor with her. She absolutely loves when I sit there, and simply show her something new with a toy.
I've also given her some of my milk, now that I'm actually producing again, after it depleting, being pregnant. The first time she put her little hand to my face, and touched it like when she used to nurse. Her own little way of saying thankyou. That moment was extremely emotional for me, especially because I had a really hard time, internally, weaning her at eight months. I am comfortable with that, being the right choice for us, and am proud to have nursed both of my children at all; so many women don't even try.
Rowan is my little earth angel. Sweet Taurus. She reminds my husband and I of an old soul. My Grampa died a couple days after she was born, and there's a part of me that feels him in her. He was a Cancer, and her moon is in Cancer. Steve feels his deceased older brother in her. Hmmm...
About Rowan, she is pretty quiet, and looks around absorbing everything. She's very cuddly, and into Mommy most. (Of course) She's been really awesome always knowing to sleep longer at night, but had no soart of schedule until lately. It's nice when you really figure eachother out, and everyone's lives start running smoothly together. I love sleeping with her, it makes so much sense. I totally could not imagine getting out of bed, and trying to settle her back to sleep. No thanks! We nurse and fall back asleep together, the same way mammals in the wild co-exist with their babies.
Well... it's getting late, and my brain is turning mushy, so I'll sign off for now.
5 comments:
I love this! And I totally cried when you wrote about your Grandpa and Steve's brother. I wish I HAD brought the baby gate home from work, then she would have been trapped in the living room with us and safe. xoxox
Jess,
This is beautiful and I'm going to be following it, it's inspired me to even start one of my own. My hopes for you and Steve as far as Avery goes:
I hope Avery learns her independance at her early age in the most positive way. I think it will help mold her into a great person as a young adult. Rowan and Avery are such lucky girls to have you as a mother and Steve as a father.
I can't even imagine how busy you must be and I admire your strength, both Abra and I agree, you are one tough Momma! I could never do what you do on a daily basis. You seem to handle it with such grace and serenity, do you ever loose it? I know my Mom did with me, I was more than she could handle, I really hope my little girl is nothing like me.
Keep blogging, it's awesome. Much love.
Beautiful. I had almost forgotten those feelings when I had Nadia and suddenly my Lily time was taken away. It WAS really hard and it took a long time for me to adjust. I had spent every day of Lily's life up until Nadia was born completely focused on her and then I felt like I was missing huge chunks of her life. I have since learned that that is what happens from 1 - 2 years - they just grow and develop at an alarming rate - changing all the time, learning to talk, thinking independently - it's drastic! It has been so different going from 2-3 kids. Nadia and Lily are such good buddies and play so well together (except when they don't!) that this transition has been way easier. I'm glad I read this though, it reminds me of those early days with 2 children. It is hard, it is emotional, but it sound like you are doing such a good job!
P.S. I tandem nursed all of my children, co- sleeping still, carried them as much as humanly possible - it feels so good, so right. You are a wonderful Mumma...
Awww, thanks girls.
Chels, I love you.
Jo, I would love to read yours too. Especially about your upcoming birth.
Reesh, thank you for kind insight. I feel better knowing I'm not alone missing my Avery time. And I have to say it is really going fast. I can't believe Row's almost 3 months. Holy smokes!
xxx Jess
Aww thats so sweet! I've been giving Gabe milk as well. his jealousy too seems to only be during feeding times. So after eden has had her fill I pump a bottle just for him. Now I have so much expressed breast milk I could feed a small country LOL!
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